Nikki Glaser Reveals Brutal Jokes She Cut From Her Golden Globes Monologue

While most of Glaser’s jokes were a hit and there are even rumblings that she could be asked back next year, the comedian admittedly has some next-day gripes about her own performance and is now revealing some of the harsh jokes she cut from her monologue.

Sitting down with Howard Stern for his SiriusXM show on Monday morning, Glaser shared some of the jokes that didn’t make it onto the stage at the Beverly Hilton Sunday.

“This is the last time all of you will be the same room together until the Diddy trial,” Glaser quipped, revealing was one of the jokes.

“We had another Diddy mention that worked better … and you only get one Diddy mention,” she explained. “You’re also accusing the people in the room of being involved in that, and they might turn on you.”

Another included a touchy mention of the Catholic Church drama, Conclave.

“I loved Conclave. It’s about the choosing a new pope. It was heartwarming. It will touch you so much that the church will have to move it to another theater. Hot tip: You don’t need ID to get into the Conclave after party,” Glaser shared.

“We didn’t do those because they were Catholic Church pedophile jokes — we’ve all heard them, we don’t need more of that,” she added.

Another was was a follow-up to her joke calling Adrien Brody a “two-time Holocaust survivor” for his appearance in two Holocaust movies — The Pianist and The Brutalist — but she cut this part: “If Adrien Brody could go back in time, he would thank baby Hitler for his career.”

“I loved that one such much,” Glaser admitted. “But my assistant is Gen Z and she was like, ‘I don’t get it,'” due to the time travel/kill Hitler reference being, apparently, a bit dated.

“Oh we’re going to lose a whole generation on that joke, and then I’ve said ‘Hitler’ for nothing,'” she reasoned.

There was also a joke referencing Luigi Mangione, who is accused of murdering UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson: “Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man. Who would have thought you’d only be the second-hottest hit man in America?”

Glaser also was set to take some jabs at Nicole Kidman, but held back.

“The Wild Robot is nominated tonight — and by that I mean Nicole Kidman after two white wines,” Glaser shared, revealing the joke.

“I wish we could have done that, but if she makes a face…,” Glasser explained before sharing her Timothée Chalamet joke.

“Timothée Chalamet took lessons in guitar, dialect, movement and vocals to become Bob Dylan [in A Complete Unknown]. While Bob Dylan became Bob Dylan the old-fashioned way: heroin and autism.”

Alec Baldwin was a subject too, following a Beetlejuice Beetlejuice crack.

“Michael Keaton was so great in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. And Alec Baldwin sadly did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them,” Glaser shared, referencing the shooting death of Halyna Hutchins on Baldwins 2021 film, Rust.

“Please know that I know that was not nice. It’s such a great joke, but it’s just too mean,” Glaser said, revealing why she chose to leave that one out.

“Here’s Ben Affleck. I can’t wait to see which Jennifer you try to ruin next,” she shared, before explaining that she already had a crack about the actor’s failed marriage to Jennifer Lopez after having another Affleck joke in her monologue.

Glaser also revealed that she “messed up” the Affleck joke during the show.

While Glaser said, “Wicked, Queer, Nightbitch — these are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms. These are some of the incredible movies nominated tonight,” the joke was supposed to be “when he orgasms.”

“I said ‘after’ and it really bugged me,” Glaser noted. “It still works. It’s just less clear. It’s 2 percent more funny [the other way].”

While Stern pointed out that nobody cares about the version of jokes they didn’t hear, Glaser said the audience doesn’t realize how much more they would’ve liked it.

And though she was hard on herself after the show, she said that one of her writers assured her afterwards that she got an “A+” following the hosting gig.

“I went to bed happy,” she said.

Other jokes that didn’t make it included a few jabs at Only Murders in the Building and a joke about Dax Shepard. Stern also asked Glaser about how much she was paid.

“There was a past host who said how much he got paid in his monologue,” Glaser said, referring to Jerrod Carmichael revealing he was paid $500,000 for the gig when he hosted in 2023.. “I got less than that. It’s OK. I’ll get more next year. I honestly would have done it for free, it’s such an insane platform. … [But] next time I’ll ask for more money.”

While Glaser revealed that she hasn’t been formally asked to host again next year, she’s confident she’ll be back.

“I can’t imagine they wouldn’t. … It’s hard to find people to do these shows,” Glaser reasoned. “… [But] I would never be able to live with myself if I turned it down because I’m scared of bombing.”